Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
