Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
