Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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