I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
