I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She even gives head with a lisp.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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