My sheets look like a crime scene.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize