what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
