so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
