I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
