Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize