we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
