I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
