Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
