I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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