I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
