im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
