I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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