I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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