Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
