This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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