I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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