Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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