you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
