I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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