I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
