it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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