All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
