They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
