Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
