For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
