For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
