my mouth tastes like poor choices
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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