I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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