Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
