My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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