even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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