if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I will die if light touches me.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
