I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
