Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
