You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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