Apparently you make a good broom.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
