I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
