Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
