I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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