the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
