Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
they need to just BURY HIM!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
