Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
