she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
