1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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