Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
