I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
