i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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