Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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