idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
