Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
