SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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