Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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