Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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