your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh god it's open bar.
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