I'm gonna have a badass scar
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
