she was so not down for the gang bang
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
