there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
