Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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