I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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