I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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