She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
