I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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