she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
