My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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