Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
