I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
