Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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