if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
