i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
