she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
