I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
