Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
